Limbo

I'm in it baby. If ever there was a woman more torn between two places, it's me. I have a small storage unit that holds mostly all of my worldly possessions and let me tell you, it's kind of depressing. To think that everything I own can fit into a 3 x 4 unit of space sums up the unimportance that is my life. It is a visual realization that I have really not accomplished anything substantial in all my 24 years on this planet. This, plus the fact that I have no real place of my own, is really starting to wear me down.

I did things a little backwards, granted, but I am more then ready to move forward. And yet, technically, I'm not. I don't have a degree, which I refuse to stop going to school until I have one (now that I spent all this money). I don't make enough money at my job to get an apartment and even if I worked two jobs and made enough money, I wouldn't have any money left to do little things I enjoy. Not to mention I have a zoo to support. One Oy, three cats and a horse. Luckily, I have a loving and supportive family who is currently housing all my animals and paying to feed them. Without my parents, I don't know what I would do. I digress.

I sleep at my boyfriend's grandmother's house (this is a whole other stew of problems that I won't get into now). However, my clothes are residing at my parent's house. So I wake up early in the morning, rush home to shower and change and then try to make it to my morning class. After class, I rush to work and stay there as long as possible because my hours are scarce and I need all I can get. When I leave work I head straight for my afternoon class. Once I am finally done with school for the day, I get to go home. But there is the kicker...where is home? I want to spend time with my gatos and Oy. They all need pets and attention and brushing and I want to be around them all the time generally. They are like my children. Then there is my horse; he needs food, his stall needs mucking out, he needs attention and the opportunity to go out on the trail (I tag along on his back). And last, but certainly not least, there is my boyfriend. Who needs love and attention and who I want to give all this love and attention to. It's not like I have a shortage of love, there is plenty to go around, but it is hard to manage my time so I don't feel like I am abandoning anyone. And not to sound selfish, but what about poor ol' me? When do I get time for myself? Well, I suppose tonight I got time to myself. I got to do some CSA101 homework and watch a movie with my boyfriend, but at the cost of not being at my parent's house today at all. I went all day without hugging my puppy dog or petting my cats or seeing my horse. I don't want to live in a world without any of them. If someone wins the lottery, please send some my way. I just want a house. A simple house to put all my loved ones in. kthnxbai.

I can't stop at that Shell on the corner because I got a divorce

Is it just me, or do you find it uncomfortable to stop and pump gas from a gas station you have never before visited? It feels...unnatural. And crazy as it may sound, I think I would rather run the risk of running out of gas then stop somewhere unfamiliar.

Once, I drove around town in a circle because I knew that I would be near the stations I frequent the most. It's hard to accept that maybe there is a deeper seated issue here. Could it possibly be that I have put up this wall of uncertainty? Could that possibly be caused by my failed marriage? The fact that I thought I was safe only to have the carpet yanked out from underneath me? Sure, why not. Let's play the blame game. I can't stop at that Shell on the corner because I got a divorce. Completely logical. I am ridiculous.

And yet...I can't help but wonder if everyone else gets the same feelings I do. Does the gas light come on and you instantly try and figure out how long it will take you to get to the other side of town to the beloved Circle K on the corner of Such and Such Street you know and trust? Why can't you just pull into the nearest fuel center, pop your gas flap and pump to your heart's content? I can't. I'm sorry. I don't pop my gas flap for just anyone anymore.

lotro

Oh yes. Lotro. As my little brother so crudely pointed out, writing my first blog on how I would just "love to sew my first regency dress because I LOOOoVe Pride & Prejudice soooo much..." would be terribly boring and ultimately make a reader want to stab their eyes out. Instead, for your viewing pleasure, I will be discussing my newest fascination with Lord of the Rings online.

Yup. I play mmorpg's. And I'm a girl. Scary thought, right?

Since I am waiting for Cataclysm to come out, lotro has been a favorable alternative. Of course, jumping at the chance to play a elf lore-master, I leveled at a remarkable speed to lvl 15. This was the endeavor of the hour because I knew that I would be able to buy a house at lvl 15....which turned out to be a HUGungous waste of time. Houses are not only a vast waste of in game money but they don't come with farmland. Now tell me, what is the point of owning a house if you can't grow your crops in front of it?! There is no point. Lest we forget, the housing is far away from anything remotely helpful such as, I don't know, towns, suppliers, crafting facilities, (insert anything else remotely helpful). After this extreme let down, I have been unable to play my elf with the same vigor as before.

I half expect I won't get anything at all for maxing out my fishing hobby.